Tete-a-Nyet

The only thing about having a blog where I post the strange...

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 08:31:13 -0500

The only thing about having a blog where I post the strange things people say when they’re trying to get in my pants is that I have documented proof of the fact that I haven’t been hit on in a while.

IM me on Yahoo Msngr it's important. my username is jonespapaspp121345

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 00:43:00 -0400

The moment tete-a-nyet becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I’ve got a book I want to give you. It’s in my car....

Sun, 23 Oct 2011 13:35:00 -0400

I’ve got a book I want to give you. It’s in my car. Do you want to come with me to get it?

This One Is Actually Pretty Cute, or Would Be If He Wasn't a Teenager

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 09:02:43 -0400

One day, I will be 25 and pursue you to be my lover.

So I know you are real tell me regarding your feet do you have...

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 08:48:00 -0400

So I know you are real tell me regarding your feet do you have high or low arches.

Ah, the Sweet Sanctity of Marriage

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 09:22:15 -0400

i just joined this website thing and i just saw your profile. i like it. I’m going to be straight forward,…would you be interested in hooking up with a 25 yo guy in the military?…who is married (please don’t judge) I’m just not intimately fulfilled and so im discreetly trying this without anyone’s knowledge?…if you have any questions you can ask me. talk to you soon!

Upon Losing a Bet that Meant He Owed Us $100.

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 10:12:26 -0400

“I’ll give you $100 worth of dancing.”

Because When You Get Right Down to It, Women Just Want Options.

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 12:39:26 -0400

“Shots of whiskey lick you head to toe or licking then whiskey that up to you. You wont be disappointed.”

We Haven't Dated in Eight Years

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 13:07:13 -0400

1:55 AM - Hey bitch

1:55 AM - I want to smell you

2:08 AM - ????

For the Last Time, If You Are Not a Poet, Don't Try to Woo a Poet with Poems. This Is a Terrible Idea.

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 09:41:57 -0400

new poems

need new moments.

the unfamiliar smell of rooms other people clean

a gentle stronger hand

life less conditioned

and time spent in your pussy (gross.)

stop me

stop yourself

put it on

take it off

knees

back

transparent

black

want you here

smiling like a laceration

giggling my content (gross.)

Stoplight Party

Sat, 10 Sep 2011 19:10:02 -0400

Him: Is that yellow you’re wearing? Or brown?

Her: It’s yellow, the color of ambiguity.

Him: I thought yellow was the color of sexual proposition.

Her: No.

Him: So what would you do if someone sexually propositioned you?

Her: (Gross.)

This is what happens when boys find out you're a poet.

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 11:29:13 -0400

I’m going to use you.

I don’t know if you will willingly reciprocate. To sate my ego I’ll believe that by ignoring this message, you’re using me to increase your selective response rating. It’s a shallow stance, found only when wading knee deep through the brothel of intellectual lusts.

Where cliché is checked at the door, and only a notebook encased in mutilated Louis Vuitton will grant entry; a “book cover” made from a cover-girl’s runway accessory. Do they make something smaller than a size zero? It wouldn’t matter, there’s only room for two here.

Momentum is lost. The vehemence of preparation and penetration has come and gone - cuddle up in quiet comfort with a coffee, while flailing and clawing for interest. Play cool.

(And fail at doing so.)

Sweat percolates through the facade; fingers perch softly on eyebrows. Then pinch together, favoring the right side, “catch the droplet before she sees.” Suave and deceitful. Now admit to it.

Any chance that bought the sympathy vote?
About as likely as a paper dog successfully chasing an asbestos cat through hell.
Heart just sank. Location? Stomach. No. Lower. Fuck. Pull together.

How do you turn a phrase into the phrase that pays?

Knots come undone. Windsor drops like a douche before a royal flush.
Undressed. Get cold. Turn to the right slightly, a Kodak moment for the faint of heart.

I could say I used you for this because okcupid suggested I send a message to increase my profile status.
I’ve said too much.
Anti-climactic. Underachieved. Don’t proofread.

Perfect.

Now hit send.

I get the impression you really aren't liking the male form at the moment. Just letting you know that we're not all egotistical, gods-gift lunatics with a certain degree of irritating persistence. Some of us are nice, loving, and the best you'd ever have (and no, I'm not just talking about sex). Some of us are capable of love and kindness, and sometimes even, a sense of humour :) Love and regards, Anon.

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 11:27:35 -0400

I have plenty of friends who are or are with wonderful men (or both). It’s just become apparent that if someone is terrible, they will inevitably hit on me in the most terrible way. This is my attempt to make light of that pattern. I have a pretty dry delivery sometimes, so I can understand why it might not read “light”, but don’t worry, I’m just a girl having fun on tumblr.

The Worst Thing I Ever Heard

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 12:47:34 -0400

“I wish my wife would die in a car accident so I could fuck you.”

If You Utilize This, Our Date/Conversation/Everything Is Over.

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 09:43:06 -0400

lol ;)

How could I forget this gem, left on my windshield outside the...

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 11:32:35 -0400

How could I forget this gem, left on my windshield outside the DMV.

Yes sir, that's why you're still single, to preserve the integrity of your band.

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 21:58:42 -0400

“My music is something i am VERY serious about. girlfriends have a habit of breaking up bands. that wont happen in this case. i will send your ass packing. music is a career for us, we are prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve our goals. if you get in the way of that, then i am sorry for you.”

Sometimes, all it takes is a glance at the back of his car to...

Fri, 22 Jul 2011 12:47:00 -0400

Sometimes, all it takes is a glance at the back of his car to know you are never going to sleep with him. And neither is any other woman, for that matter.

I Believe She Gave Him the Facepalm

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 08:41:00 -0400

“So, you lived in Taiwan? That’s in Japan, right?”

How to Turn a Girl Off in Five Text Messages or Less

Fri, 15 Jul 2011 11:29:00 -0400

“I’m glad you hit me up. Bore-dumb is killing me.”

(Insert brief conversation where I lie about being at a far-away bar to discourage him from sating his bore-dumb by meeting me out.)

“I mean I could potentially get a ride there but I don’t really have a way home.”

(Gross. No response.)

“Or not…but we should chill sometime. Fo sho.”

(No response.)

“Phone dead or something?”

(Because that would be the only reason I wouldn’t respond.)