So I know you are real tell me regarding your feet do you have high or low arches.

i just joined this website thing and i just saw your profile. i like it. I’m going to be straight forward,…would you be interested in hooking up with a 25 yo guy in the military?…who is married (please don’t judge) I’m just not intimately fulfilled and so im discreetly trying this without anyone’s knowledge?…if you have any questions you can ask me. talk to you soon!

Him: Is that yellow you’re wearing? Or brown?

Her: It’s yellow, the color of ambiguity.

Him: I thought yellow was the color of sexual proposition.

Her: No.

Him: So what would you do if someone sexually propositioned you?

Her: (Gross.)

I’m going to use you. 

I don’t know if you will willingly reciprocate. To sate my ego I’ll believe that by ignoring this message, you’re using me to increase your selective response rating. It’s a shallow stance, found only when wading knee deep through the brothel of intellectual lusts. 

Where cliché is checked at the door, and only a notebook encased in mutilated Louis Vuitton will grant entry; a “book cover” made from a cover-girl’s runway accessory. Do they make something smaller than a size zero? It wouldn’t matter, there’s only room for two here. 

Momentum is lost. The vehemence of preparation and penetration has come and gone - cuddle up in quiet comfort with a coffee, while flailing and clawing for interest. Play cool. 

(And fail at doing so.) 

Sweat percolates through the facade; fingers perch softly on eyebrows. Then pinch together, favoring the right side, “catch the droplet before she sees.” Suave and deceitful. Now admit to it. 

Any chance that bought the sympathy vote? 
About as likely as a paper dog successfully chasing an asbestos cat through hell.
Heart just sank. Location? Stomach. No. Lower. Fuck. Pull together. 

How do you turn a phrase into the phrase that pays? 

Knots come undone. Windsor drops like a douche before a royal flush. 
Undressed. Get cold. Turn to the right slightly, a Kodak moment for the faint of heart. 

I could say I used you for this because okcupid suggested I send a message to increase my profile status. 
I’ve said too much. 
Anti-climactic. Underachieved. Don’t proofread. 

Perfect. 

Now hit send.

“My music is something i am VERY serious about. girlfriends have a habit of breaking up bands. that wont happen in this case. i will send your ass packing. music is a career for us, we are prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve our goals. if you get in the way of that, then i am sorry for you.”

“So, you lived in Taiwan? That’s in Japan, right?”

“You’ll bever know what you missed.”

Boy: “I am available all week for poolside relaxation, creative writing inspiration, and commitment free sex.”

Girl: “I am available no weeks for none of those things.”

” hhmm.. that looks kinda like a mug of pbr in your hand.. im unna guess its sumthen more yuppy like a blue moon tho… so when ya gunna lemme read sum of this poetry u write kitten.. u no im not to good at maken that oatmeal rasin cookys either.. they make that shit n the tube thogh if u dont grub all the cookie dough in the car on the ride home from the store.. personally my dough neva makes it to the crib..”